Hasta La Vista, Baby-The Procrastinator

Ugh. I'm a helluva awful procrastinator. I shouldn't even be here 'cause I have finals next week. The worst part about this is that I'm not worried about it, and the problem is that since I'm not worried, I can't get myself off my butt to work for the finals. And I complain about getting Bs hurhur. As I once said,I just wanna sit on my hands and fret about life. I want to do so many things, but I don't know where to start. Sometimes I get this crazy feeling that the future is right in front of me, open and so full of damned possibilities just waiting for me to reach out and pluck. What if I don't want to choose what I want to be? I could technically be anything I wanted to be. School has helped to refine some of those choices, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily have to cut myself off from anything. Or worse, what if I choose something wrong, and then I'd have to start all over again and regret the wasted time. It makes me anxious that I don't rightly know what I'm doing and that I'm not living up to any of my expectations. Also, how on earth do you get As to A pluses? I am apparently not as smart as I thought hahaha. It's a wee bit jarring because I like to be the smart one who reads a lot and knows a ton of stuff, but uni has made me revise my big-headed idea of myself, and its bringing me back down to earth. Problem is that I don't want to be brought down to earth, I want to continue flying free in a world of my own imagination (wait, is that a line from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). And I like encountering new ideas, but I respect my own opinions too. So I'm pretty much torn between acquiescing to all these ideas that are being thrown at me and fighting against them and saying no I don't like what you're saying. Then again, even if I said that I didn't like the idea, I wouldn't be able to explain why satisfactorily and/or coming up with a better idea/ line of argument. That's the whole stupid problem with being me, I've got tons of intuition and not a lot of sense.

I've been escaping to YA. A lot. And like I know how I keep harping on how much I hate romance because there's a hardy little seed of a feminist in me (pretty sure that's a line from a book somewhere) and women are so often portrayed as deficit when it comes to men, but somehow all the relationships in dystopian/ fantasy YA novels turn out to be okay, and I really like that. That is, the idea that everyone ultimately gets their happily ever after no matter how screwed their lives are. Or at least they die for some cause they strongly believe in. (Hey the world ain't perfect). And well, I like to brag, I pretty much finished 4 books over the weekend even if they were princessy and for kids haha. E-books are one of my favourite ideas in the world. Also 3 DAYS TO DOCTOR WHO WHOOTS.

Also, I am screwed hurhur and I have only myself to blame. I'm telling myself "I told you so" beforehand so I don't have misplaced expectations. Ciao.