Growing Up is Hard to Do

Today I read through a few of my past blog posts and wella, from 2008 until now, you could probably tell that I've grown up. I mean I could tell I grew up on account of all the cringing done when reading the posts written when I was in sec 2. But there was definitely some growing up done.

It's strange 'cause I think I really grew in the later part of 2008. I used to be so afraid of writing about anything that annoyed me so even the bad parts of my day were euphemised or even removed; but I still remember them alright. But all the same, I think I started writing more abstractly too.

I remember how I'd use to stand in the train and dream up of stories to write about my day, how much I'd ought to write like poems and where to insert a new paragraph, I'd stare out the windows and think up of pretty ways to describe what I was seeing like how the rain made the world water-coloured and listless, or how the trees were made of jade and it's leaves formed sculpted patterns in the sky...
2008 was the year when I started to see the world differently. Where the sky used to be pretty, it was now periwinkle or salmon or a delicate blush. And I used to look around me in awe at how beautiful the world was.

I think I've lost that child-like wonder. I don't look around as much now, and even if I do see something pretty all I can say that it's pretty or I could stay quiet 'cause people wouldn't get it anyhow. But sometimes my excitement and enthusiasm over something gets the better of me and all I can do is rave and go on and on about that particular subject. And sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

I think I did most of my growing in sec 3 and 4 though. I started to view people critically but there was always this part of me that believed even the worst person had their good side. Hmm well I guess it wasn't reflected in my posts but I definitely grew. I guess it was the responsibilities put on me when I became class chair, well there actually wasn't much but I really didn't know how to go about doing my duties and I never expected that position 'cause I was always the nice quiet girl nobody really cared about (i didn't cause any trouble (; ) but it forced me to speak up and to make my own decisions and I grew because of that but I also gained a phobia of having people pick on you based on your position- which I still think is very unfair especially when it comes to teachers.

And the hormones have probably started kicking in 'cause I've been blogging about guys. Yep I've realised that I've been blogging about way too many actors, singers and characters:

1. George Emerson
2. That cute geog lecturer whose name I thought was Emerson
3. Cary Elwes
4. Laurence Olivier
5. Torq and his voice
6. Matt Bomer of White Collar
7. Steve Appleton (of YOG video)
8. Morrissey
9. Robert Pattison and his sdaskkffas ugh face

Anyway I guess the bottomline is that I've changed so very much. But if life is all about taking chances and making changes than I guess I've made pretty good headway.