Just something I wrote the last semester and never posted it and I don't know what to make of myself

"I love uni. I hate that I'm unmotivated, but I feel like I belong in the environment. This, here is my hood. Finally, I'm learning all the things I never got to learn. I'm like a dragon here, hoarding up my knowledge like treasure. These pearls of wisdom i might never need, but I love knowing them all the same. And that hunger to know more and more and more. And all the while as i complain about how uninspirational my mods are, they  are subtly changing the ways I see the world. Singapore isn't a plain ol' small red dot, its huge, the quantity of people who pass through our borders, the whole new side of it, little india, new new new, this whole side to Singapore I never knew existed; staid? what? our history is so alive and so exciting and every day we make it. We make it what we know, we effect change on our landscape! Thou art great Lord, what it man that you have made him little less than a god? And darwin and evolution, the infinitesimal odds it must have taken for life to be produced and spring off into lizards, reptiles, fish, snakes, mammals, apes, and humans, of all things humans, walking upright with their ability to communicate and cook and sing and paint and dream and walk the whole earth, the incredibly tiny odds for humans to evolve into homo sapiens, but we did. The most unlikely species ever to walk the earth, but yet we do. And lit. I loved it, I will always like it, but in talking to my prof yesterday, I realised with a start that it helps me to see the water i'm in. It makes me aware of the water.

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

I see it! I see the water. I see the struggle we have with the water. I see that our existences are nothing short of miraculous, that I cannot rest a minute to take what I have for granted. So tempting to do that you know, to just drift along, and not question the status quo, to remain comfortable with myself with my life, the impetus is there, just let it go, let it go, but I can't. How to let go when I am constantly reminded of how astonishing we are, how brilliant our brains, how cruel we are, how despicable and disgusting, I see the filth in the water, "It was as if he had made her see the whole of everything at once." Foster's Lucy was right, it comes upon you one day, this breathtaking vision of clear sightedness, the pain of the world, the terrible acts, and yet the beauty, always and still the beauty, even in the bleakest moments, why even when plunged in pain, the terrifying beauty, war torn landscapes draped in desolate beauty, even the barren desert gives birth. And no one knows why save that God made the earth and everything in it and he saw that it was good."