SO.

2013 has been a totally rockin' yearr. And I'm just thankful for all these big life-changing moments that have been happening thus far, and even if I might not seem all that grateful, believe me, I am immensely grateful. It's been a good year. I know I should be saying that it's been a good year only at the end of the year, but I can't wait, so edit, it's been a great start to 2013!

1. STARS

My life dream/ goal #1 has been officially accomplished! 5 years spent waiting for them and they came back!!! (excuse the exclamation marks, I'm so incredibly chuffed ((: ) They were my first band-crush ever (and only band-crush actually) and I know I toyed around with various folksy, bluegrass bands and rockers, but, I always find myself gravitating back to Stars, telling myself to "live through this and you won't look back", singing their songs in the shower, knowing all their songs by heart, getting excited about their new albums (and then getting mildly disappointed) but yeahh Stars Stars Stars, you will always have an extra-special place in my heart.

For a dream coming true, to be honest, I wasn't blown away though :/ I think it was the venue. We got tickets for the balcony and apparently the sound system was better there, but there wasn't any atmosphere ya know? I wanted to be down there in the crowd waving my hands along to every beautiful note of Amy and Torq's voices, jumping up and down at Take Me to the Riot, but I ended up sitting down, singing softly along to every song and making up the words to their newest songs (heh) and tapping my feet and cheering at the top of voice. Somehow it was kinda an intimate personal experience, but I've always felt that Stars should be shared and adored by crazy hordes of people and that everyone around me would feel the samee. The angmoh man sitting beside Court looked so incredibly bored that it was kinda a downer, all the same, the girl behind me kept singing during the duet parts, and singing loudly mind you when all I really wanted was to hear the melding of voices. Especially during Midnight Coward which is #3 on my all time fav Stars' songlist (!) (YES THEY SANG MIDNIGHT COWARD. LIVE!!!!!) And yeah people generally weren't into it which was a bummer because I just love Stars so much ):

Still, they are pretty awesome live. It was this huge jamming session on stage, and damn, Torq can rock a tambourine heheh also, the drummer was ahmazing! Every song with drums in it came to live, and the way they seemed to randomly press these discordant notes on the keyboard but the notes just intensified the music? I died. AND THEY SANG YOUR EX-LOVER IS DEAD!!! The one song that made me fall in love with them, the one song that helped me pass my 2.4km run 'cause I could run according to its' beat in my head, the one song that got me through my O levels and A levels and shooting training, and ELL lessons. "Live through this and you won't look back","Live through this and you won't look back", "Live through this and you won't look back", "Live through this and you won't look back" and yeah, it was the song that made the tough times all the more bearable, my absolute favourite song ever. AND THEY SANG IT. TO ME. (Okay, maybe not to me, but still, they sang it in front of me, separated by only a few metres of air ahmg.)

And that was when things got better. When they sang Changes (off their The Five Ghosts album. Like this album wasn't the best, but they did have a few gems kay) and the atmosphere got so bluesy and intimate, and Dead Hearts. Like I was so convinced the band was going to burst into Calendar Girl 'cause Torq kept saying "promise me you'll stay alive" and I was so happy because Calendar Girl is #4 on my favourites list and ya know the song goes "I'm alive/ I'm alive/ I'm alive" at the end. BUT they didn't. That was sad, but then they went on to play Dead Hearts (#10 on my list) and before that Torq said "don't let all your ghosts drag you down" or something to that effect, and I was fan-girling 'cause that was a line Tennessee Williams would have approved of :3 (TW was one man who was forever fighting the ghosts of his past and writing so beautifully about it) heeheehee. I'm so glad I love Stars.

AND IN THE END THEY SANG ON PEAK HILL (#2 on my list) and ONE MORE NIGHT! Like words can't even express my excitement akfrhiksfhakl Torq was all "this is a song from the last century" and I was all heheheh ohmyohmy, and then the melody to On Peak Hill came on and it felt exactly like the way I first heard the song. It was lush, it was gorgeously melodic, it was hushed, it was sad, it was poetic, it was Stars. "And you're gonna make me wish for the time/ right before I was born/ When every living breath/ was another new dawn/ like the time I was five/ at the top of Peak Hill/ and the wind almost took me away..." And it was like another new dawn, and it made me so incredibly happy *wipes tears of joy*

And admittedly, One More Night's lyrics are screwed up and they said so, but damn, it's so sexy! The music I mean, and I could sit through and listen to them blitz on their electric guitars and be totally satisfied with it at the end even if I tend to cut the song off nearing the end cause the guitars are way too loud on the CD. So yes. The night of my life, the highlight of this almost 19 year old girl's life. Stars came to Singapore! I wasn't like totally satiated though. Like I wanted more songs! Where was 14 Forever and The Night Starts Here and all their other ridiculously wonderful songs? Although I'm kinda glad they played Heart (#8 on my list) because it made me feel so old and young all at once. And the crowd could have been awesomer and the sound system better. But still, that night was a good one, a good one.


2. Working in Church

So yes, now you know what I've been doing with my life whilst waiting for my A level results. I really enjoy it ya know, even if it's just admin. The aunties are so amazingly patient and sweet and working at the cat office has made me realise how insane schools can be since catechism classes are sorta like school, and the parents and the immense amount of preparation that goes into planning camps. It's working behind-the-scenes, and I'm glad to be a part of it. Also, teaching catechism is pretty interesting. I don't get paid for catechism of course, but it's a new very strange environment. The sec 2s are so smart for sec 2s. I don't remember being so mature in my faith at that age, neither was I so outspoken, so yeah they're pretty cool kids, and they're gonna make great adults. And I can't say much about working in church mainly cause I don't feel all that comfortable telling the interwebzz about it, but I really really enjoy it.

3. A Level Results

So. The week leading up to it was crazy for the sheer amount of omgohno emotion caused in my gut.
Some part of me felt I would do crazy badly, and another part of me was shouting Trust in the Lord! and honey, you'll be fine (yes, the voice in my head has the accent of a faux mid-western country grandma sometimes). And when I went into the hall, Mr H signalled to me to go over to the desk and he told me that I was supposed to go to the library to get my results and it was good news even if he couldn't tell me my results. I was pretty skeptical at first 'cause Mr H is pretty ironic (because he's a GP teacher and gp teachers are critical of everything which is what makes him so awesome) and I wasn't sure if he was kidding about the good results bit or not, but it made me more settled. Also, Mr G waved back to me, and he seemed pretty happy, so that made me feel a wee bit better too. Then Mrs K showed how ELL had improved and I kept cheering for it, cause it's what I've lived for. And then I felt much much better cause my name was on the ppt slide along with many others for doing pretty decently on the As. So I sort of knew my results without knowing the break-down. So I did feel pretty good about myself.

The thing is, why then am I so mildly disappointed? I wasn't expecting straight As, and no, I didn't get straight As, and ahmg my distinction for H3 made me jump up and down in glee when Mr G gave me my results in the library, and he was like "decent results, but you've got a coupla Bs in there though" but I just zoomed in on the H3 and held on to that joy like a halo above my head for like an hour or so before I realised my B for ELL and H1 Maths. When it boils down to this, I'm kinda half-pleased. It made me feel like when I checked out the new Stars album and all my anticipation was released in a huge flood-gate of overwhelming excitement at the fact that yay my favourite band just made new music, before realising that only a few songs were good. Like good and not great unlike their previous albums. That was the feeling. People keep saying that my results are good, and I know I shouldn't be greedy but I'm so unsatisfied. Like duude, no one gets B for H1 Math especially if it's easier than O Level standards, and ELL just made me sad because my cj life was spent making each ELL essay more perfect than the last or at least maintaining the standard. I've had like Bs for ELL my entire JC life and I just wanted to get that A because I loved it so much and I put so much effort into it. Maybe, not as much effort as some others, but it was the one subject where I didn't mind putting it so much effort. I worried about finishing my essays during training and after training, stayed back for night study just so I could finish essays decently. While I love lit, in jc, there isn't much impetus for interpreting the text in your own way. You may form your own decisions about it, but you're always guided to the end result. That's what made H3 so refreshing. You blow your own mine with individual research rather than waiting for someone to explain the genius of technique or story-telling of a particular author. I think Carl Sagan once said "When you make the finding yourself, even if you're the last person to see the light, you'll never forget it." And so I'm thankful that I got to look into tenderness, into TW's sad life and O'Neill's pained life, and the relative normalcy of William Inge, but also his not so ordinary writing. And I'm really thankful for all my lit teachers who showed us how/ guided us on how to appreciate literary genius or criticise it, to break apart the words, to evaluate motives, writing styles and know above all, that no man or woman is perfect regardless of gender theorists. But anyway, to get on with ELL, I think it was because we had to go out to search for more supplementary materials and our own examples that was so intellectually exciting. It was really doing your own research to understand a concept that was already well taught, but because it was so demanding, you really had to give it your all. So yes, I really really enjoyed linguistics, and I am sad that I didn't get that A because it would have justified my applying for fass just to do linguistics. And while I have already applied for fass, now I'm torn between ell and lit, and I think that's what makes me so sad because I would have given up lit for ell, but now it seems silly to do that since my grades seem to show that I'm better at lit. Phooey. Still though, "the weird world rolls on", and yes, 2013 is looking to be an awesome year of endings and new beginnings.



Also, I haven't watched Warm Bodies, but their soundtrack is awesome! They have Runaway by The National (!) and also Yamaha by the Delta Spirits (I'm getting pretty into them) but they have this song called My Dream that's one of my favourites 'cause as someone commented, you don't ever get tired of it. It's very Americana I guess, but I have a thing for American bands who don't sound like whiny little boys. Kinda rock n roll, but also folksy, that's my kinda band haha. So yeah, Warm Bodies sounds like a good movie, they call it a zom-rom-com, and that's enough to get me interested heheh. Plus, it has good music! And watching Nick Hoult doesn't hurt too (: